Reddit Magicians Are Fiercely Debating How to Summon a ‘Big Tittie’ Demon

Some are drawn to the dark mystic arts in a search for ultimate knowledge. Others, out of desire to impose their will on the world. Some folks, however, are just trying to get laid. Read More >>

A Coconut Water Brand Is Offering Free Piss on Twitter Because This Is the Future

When they looked to the future, some in the 20th century imagined wondrous technological advancements. Others foresaw a world of global totalitarian control. The future we ended up with, however, has had a little bit of both—plus a beverage company offering to send a hater some human urine on social media. Read More >>

For Men Who Will Try Anything to Get Taller, There’s a World of Grifts and Gimmicks

No matter how old you are, the website Height Maximizer claims it can provide you with “legitimate information that will actually help you become taller.” It features “height hacks,” alleged height-boosting supplements, and “8 Ways to Get Taller: Tips That Work (for Every Age).” Each page is topped off with the site’s logo – a picture of a bodybuilder and a bright red arrow pointing upward, and below it, the Height Maximizer tagline: “Puberty or Not, Here We Grow!” Read More >>

Zavvi Tells Entire Mailing List They’ve Won VIP Champions League Tickets

Online media retailer Zavvi has just had a massive head-in-hands-GIF moment, thanks to an email mix-up that saw the company inform its entire registered customer base that they had each won a VIP trip to go to the all-England Champions League final in Madrid. Read More >>

If You Didn’t Like the Sonic the Hedgehog Trailer, Try This Terrifyingly Surreal One Instead

Sonic the Hedgehog doesn’t look promising. But it definitely has room to look… stranger. Read More >>

Strange Buzzing in 9-Year-Old Boy’s Ear Was Actually a Tick Embedded in His Eardrum

Three days after a 9-year-old boy in the US state of Connecticut started to hear a strange buzzing sound in his ear, his parents took him to a doctor at Yale New Haven Children’s Hospital. Read More >>

Skip the Gym, Plastic Surgeons Can Now Sculpt Belly Fat Into a Weird Chiselled Six-Pack

Actually getting to the gym can often be harder than the workout itself, but there might now be a shortcut for getting a defined set of six-pack abs. Researchers at the University of Miami’s Leonard M. Miller School of Medicine have developed a new plastic surgery technique called abdominal etching that can reshape belly fat to make you look like you spend all your time at the gym. Read More >>

This Football Fan Makes a Great Case For Not Getting a QR Code Tattoo

Someone who really, really loves his team found out the hard way that QR codes are daft and copyright infringement has no mercy. Read More >>

The Super Rich Can Now Stream Films Still in Cinemas to Their Penthouses

If you were looking for another reason to hate the rich, Red Carpet Home Cinema is here to help out. For $1,500 to $3,000 per film – that's somewhere between £1,200 and £2,300 – the company will let you rent first-run films from the comfort of your tricked out mansion. Read More >>

Russian Military Journal Claims Psychic Soldiers Can Crash Computers and Control Dolphins

A journal published by Russia’s Ministry of Defence became the subject of mockery this week after publishing claims that “Russian specialists” have communicated with dolphins, crashed computer programs, and even looked into safes using the power of telepathy. Read More >>

We Regret to Inform You Elon Musk Has Released a Rap Single About Harambe

If there’s something absolutely no one other than Elon Musk woke up this weekend thinking, it is “Elon Musk should release a rap single about Harambe, the tragically slain gorilla that became a meme nearly three years ago, after which said meme subsequently got treaded into the ground, and more than a few people began noting it might actually have been kind of racist.” Unfortunately, that is what he did, because Elon must. Read More >>

At Last! Mystery of Garfield Phone Beach Solved After 35 Years

For 35 years, a French coastal community has been haunted by the ghost of the world’s most iconic novelty telephone. Read More >>

Oh Hell No: Snake Catcher Finds 45 Rattlesnakes at US Home After Being Called to Remove a ‘Few’

A thing you probably hope to never find underneath your home is one rattlesnake—much less a small army of them. Read More >>

Someone in Devon Stole a Dog Poo Bin

Someone has gone to all the effort of unscrewing a dog poo bin to steal it, and no one can figure out why. Read More >>

Hundreds of Exotic Turtles and Tortoises Wrapped in Duct Tape Found in Airport Luggage

The Indian star tortoise native to parts of India has been declining in the wild since at least 2000. Why? People want them as pets. A stark reminder of this fact came on Sunday, after authorities in the Philippines’ Ninoy Aquino International Airport found some 1,500 live turtles and tortoises inside four abandoned suitcases that arrived from Hong Kong. Read More >>